It has been a rough morning. The echoes of my sin long ago are loud and relentless. I pray earnestly but what is there to say? “I knew better, still I did what I should not have done. Fix it, Lord!” Why should He? Then, there is the ugly side of me that says, “I’m already serving time, why not just keep on sinning?” What is that quote? “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” Or some such thing. I keep myself very busy. Not the being under satan’s yoke type but always engaged…in God’s word, studying, reading, completing bachelor degree projects, working with my children, volunteering at their school or church, blogging, extra-curricular activities, etc. I do not like finding myself in “the devil’s workshop”.
Someone asked me, last week, why I think I have anxiety. Where do I believe it is rooted? In my heart of hearts I know where. Some nights, I wake up in a cold sweat with an elevated heart rate. Or the stress gives me bad headaches. But, there is nothing I can do about it. I have done everything short of bribing God and trying to bargain with Him to take away the “thorn in my flesh”. Yet, it seems He has no intention of doing so. I find comfort in what Paul says about his,
…a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9. ESV.)I have “pleaded with the Lord” far more than “three times”. I suppose it is a reminder, residue, of my sin from so long ago.
A well-meaning believer once told me, when I was saved my sin was forgiven and I will harvest good. She/he did not understand why “if” I am, indeed, “saved” do I still have ramifications for my sin. If I am being honest, I will tell you the “thorn in my flesh” hurts. Some days I want to cry. But, a lot of times my pride stops me. So, why do I blog about all of this? Because,
18And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20. ESV.)And, blogging is how I tell people, from all walks of life, about Jesus! Maybe you know me, personally. Perhaps, we have never met. You may even have to have this translated to read it. If you take nothing else from this blog, please hold in your heart,
16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. (John 3:16-17. ESV.)Despite whatever mess I have made of my life, Jesus died so I can have a wonderful relationship with God. I can (and do) approach His mercy seat whenever (and where ever) I want. So can you.